Big Decisions to be Made

So you remember that house we went to see clear back in March? And then again in August? Well after this latest visit in August we began to seriously talk about it. After visiting in March we talked about it on and off but my heart was very hardened at the idea. Nic was a little more for it but could see where my reservations about it came from. We knew we wanted a little bit bigger of a house and especially wanted something with some land for the kids to run around and explore on (and maybe space for some chickens someday!). This house was so wonderfully designed and would fit our needs so well but it would mean moving away from everything that was comfortable and familiar. I was sure we could find something just as good but closer to where we already were. We looked and looked, and nothing felt right. It was either the house was okay but not enough land or the land was amazing and the house needed a lot of work or just plain wouldn’t fit our needs. As selfish as it sounds, we really didn’t want a fixer upper. Our kids are young and curious and living in a constant state of it being a construction zone sounded like multiple trips to the ER and never knowing where anything is. And when all of us are home 24/7, that’s just a big no thank you. We wanted something that needed minimal work so we could enjoy our kids at this age and not always be working on a project. And to be honest, every house we looked at, I compared back to the one I definitely didn’t want to move to. 

Looking back now, I can see that God was working on my heart all summer long and purposely closing doors and nudging is a certain way. So when we went to see the house again in August, I was sold. This time we had taken the boys with us and to see them running all over the land and exploring and already ‘claiming’ bedrooms was just what we had always envisioned. And a little God moment happened that same weekend. The day after we saw the house again my parents called and said they were headed that direction to go look at a car, so I asked how close are you and could you meet us at this location? Turns out they weren’t far at all, and we quickly called the owner who was on their way out but said we could still stop and at least walk the outside of the home. So we met my parents there and explained that we were looking at this house and wanted to get their thoughts on it. We showed pictures of the inside and walked around outside. To be honest, I was a little nervous about what they would think of it. When we got home from vacation we sat down and really truly talked about it and discussed what this would and could be like from all angles to see if it would be the best fit for us. The owner was getting ready to have it listed but said we could have a couple weeks to talk it over before they officially listed it. We had a pretty big list of pros and cons that were pretty even on both sides, so it was then looking at which pros and cons held more weight. When we first had told the boys we were going to look at this house we sat them down individually to talk it over. Mr. Orange was game, he didn’t have a single complaint. Mr. Blue was another story, right away he got big tears in his eyes and said, “but what about my friends?”. At that moment I wanted to call it all off and say okay, we’re not even going to talk about it anymore, we can’t do this to them. But the more we discussed with him we explained that we would have land they could explore and dig to their hearts content, and that we would be closer to Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt A. That seemed to perk him up a bit and so we went to look. Once there they were very excited and began to imagine all the things they could do. But once we were back home and seriously discussing it, the fear of leaving: friends, our community, neighbors, and the relationships we had already established came roaring back. That was the biggest con, especially when it came to the boys, and honestly for me too. 

However, the biggest pro was being near the grandparents and safe people for Mr. Blue so Nic and I could try to get some breaks and get back to who we are as a couple again. It had been far too long since we were able to go on dates and prioritize our marriage. Basically since Mr. Blue was born, we had gone on only a handful of dates - and here we are 3 almost 4 kids later and it was past due time. The funny thing was that after seeing the house back in March, Nic was all for it and I was the one with the major reservations telling him to pump the brakes. But now, our roles had reversed, and it was him that was like whoa okay I’m not so sure about this anymore. Not only were his reservations in regards to the kids and ourselves having to start over to meet new people,but also financially. Owning a bigger home on an acreage is definitely going to cost more than what we were used to. Being out in the country and having to drive further to most things would cost more in gas, maintaining the home and the property upkeep, and utility cost. It was a lot to consider. But it all kept going back to - which pro or con held the most weight. And for us, the deciding factor was our mental health. 3 boys, with one being autistic, had taken a severe toll on our mental health and sanity and we were drowning. And now with another on the way the simple fact of the matter was, we needed help, and this was the way we could finally get some. With my father in law now retired, and being in closer proximity, it opened up the doors for having a more consistent way for us to receive help. Even if it was just taking a boy for the day, or all of us going over and letting the boys roam the farm with Grandpa - just that little bit would do wonders for us. 

So after much discussion and prayer, it was decided, we were going to put an offer in on the house and we weren’t going to stop until it was accepted. (Obviously we had a number that we wouldn’t go above, but if it came to that then we were just going to accept that it wasn’t where God meant for us to be - but it didn’t come to that.) This all happened relatively quickly and then it was a matter of getting our house on the market and getting ready to move! Once it settled that we were actually doing this, we definitely had the - oh crap, are we going to regret this - feeling. Mr. Blue was so apprehensive once everything was truly in motion, there were multiple instances of tears and worrying about making new friends. While we did our best to hold space for those fears while also assuring him that we would make the time and effort to make new friends, we also had those same fears. It’s hard to make friends, especially as an adult. And telling our friends wasn’t easy either, especially since it all happened so quickly we feel like we kind of sprung it on them. Not only just the fact that we were moving but that we were moving so soon. 

The beginning of September was a whirlwind. We celebrated Mr. Orange’s birthday and we had a big celebration as our last birthday party in this house and in this town, with our friends and neighbors we had come to love so dearly. It was very bittersweet. The next week, our house went on the market and we were officially in countdown mode. Not only were we soaking in last park dates with friends, going to all our favorite places one last time, enjoying time with our church and life group, and just overall trying to spend all the time we could with those we love - but we were also doing mad dash cleaning and organizing when we would have a showing. Trying to keep a house clean or mostly clean at all times with 3 kids - while pregnant, is no joke. Luckily, we had sent our dog with my parents after the birthday party so we wouldn’t have to worry about her. Those few weeks before moving day were so incredibly stressful that I feel like we aged 10 years. And then our final days were here. 

xoxo, mischief managing momma

A verse that really spoke to me during this time. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

God is with us always: the good, the bad, the uncertain, and all the times in between - no matter where we are. He calls us to lay our burdens at his feet. And while we may not be able to zoom out and see the big picture he’s created for us, we can take comfort in the fact that he DOES have a plan for us. You know those little heart nudges you get sometimes when it comes to making life decisions or even just when pursuing something new or different? That’s usually God. And while the journey may not always be easy, that’s when faith comes in. Belief that God is always there. He’s going to see you through the good, the bad, the uncertain and all the times in between - the key is letting him in and not trying to do it all alone. Which is why he also calls us to live in community with others, to be vulnerable and share our lives, especially with people who will challenge us but also be our biggest champions. And in this season, we were so thankful that we were living that out. Our community was so supportive of us, even if they didn’t understand it. It was scary to be leaving that and starting all over, sharing our lives and being vulnerable all over again in a new area. But we knew God was taking us here for a reason and as long as we put in the work, he was going to find that community for us again.  

Oldest (1)- Mr. Blue

Middle (2) - Mr. Orange

Youngest (3) - Mr. Green